Transcript:

Mayday! Mayday! This is Flight DC-one-thirty-two requesting emergency landing “priorité”.

DC-one-three-two what is your emergency?

My onboard agent informs me there is a suspicious passenger on board.

Suspicious? In what way?

He has a nail file.

A nail file?

Yes, and he is filing his nails on my plane!

I do not see the problem.

You know it is against the rules!

Yes, well I would not worry about it.

I wouldn’t worry about it… What if he gouges my eyes out with that file? Who will fly the plane then, eh?

I could fly the plane, Captain.

SHUT YOUR FACE, Henri!

Captain, please, try to stay calm!

No, no, no, no, no… I will not stay calm. OK? Because the passenger also has a canette of grape juice!

So, he likes grape juice…

“So, he likes grape juice…” How do you know it is just grape juice, eh? Maybe there is an atomic bomb in that little canette. Then, what, huh? KA-BOOM!

Look, DC132, I cannot authorize an emergency landing for a passenger filing his nails, and drinking a can of grape juice.

Hey! Tower boy! Do-do you watch CNN, sometimes?

Yes.

Then wake up and smell the jet fuel, huh, huh?

OK! You know, you may be right Captain. We should not take any chances. I am sending two F-18s to shoot you down. Thank you for your vigilance, Sir. We will never forget your sacrifice – Over.

Huh, hello? Hello, tower? Come in, come in, tower?

Well done, “Capitaine”! Smooth…

Tower? This is flight DC132. Hello? Hello?

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