THE PILOT (Willi Willer / Têtes à Claques) with script

Transcript:

Mayday! Mayday! This is Flight DC-one-thirty-two requesting emergency landing « priorité ».
DC-one-three-two what is your emergency?
My onboard agent informs me there is a suspicious passenger on board.
Suspicious? In what way?
He has a nail file.
A nail file?
Yes, and he is filing his nails on my plane!
I do not see the problem.
You know it is against the rules!
Yes, well I would not worry about it.
I wouldn’t worry about it… What if he gouges my eyes out with that file? Who will fly the plane then, eh?
I could fly the plane, Captain.
SHUT YOUR FACE, Henri!
Captain, please, try to stay calm!
No, no, no, no, no… I will not stay calm. OK? Because the passenger also has a canette of grape juice!
So, he likes grape juice…
« So, he likes grape juice… » How do you know it is just grape juice, eh? Maybe there is an atomic bomb in that little canette. Then, what, huh? KA-BOOM!
Look, DC132, I cannot authorize an emergency landing for a passenger filing his nails, and drinking a can of grape juice.
Hey! Tower boy! Do-do you watch CNN, sometimes?
Yes.
Then wake up and smell the jet fuel, huh, huh?
OK! You know, you may be right Captain. We should not take any chances. I am sending two F-18s to shoot you down. Thank you for your vigilance, Sir. We will never forget your sacrifice – Over.
Huh, hello? Hello, tower? Come in, come in, tower?
Well done, « Capitaine »! Smooth…
Tower? This is flight DC132. Hello? Hello?

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