Transcript:

Mayday! Mayday! This is Flight DC-one-thirty-two requesting emergency landing « priorité ».

DC-one-three-two what is your emergency?

My onboard agent informs me there is a suspicious passenger on board.

Suspicious? In what way?

He has a nail file.

A nail file?

Yes, and he is filing his nails on my plane!

I do not see the problem.

You know it is against the rules!

Yes, well I would not worry about it.

I wouldn’t worry about it… What if he gouges my eyes out with that file? Who will fly the plane then, eh?

I could fly the plane, Captain.

SHUT YOUR FACE, Henri!

Captain, please, try to stay calm!

No, no, no, no, no… I will not stay calm. OK? Because the passenger also has a canette of grape juice!

So, he likes grape juice…

« So, he likes grape juice… » How do you know it is just grape juice, eh? Maybe there is an atomic bomb in that little canette. Then, what, huh? KA-BOOM!

Look, DC132, I cannot authorize an emergency landing for a passenger filing his nails, and drinking a can of grape juice.

Hey! Tower boy! Do-do you watch CNN, sometimes?

Yes.

Then wake up and smell the jet fuel, huh, huh?

OK! You know, you may be right Captain. We should not take any chances. I am sending two F-18s to shoot you down. Thank you for your vigilance, Sir. We will never forget your sacrifice – Over.

Huh, hello? Hello, tower? Come in, come in, tower?

Well done, « Capitaine »! Smooth…

Tower? This is flight DC132. Hello? Hello?